I came across this quote in something written by David X. I don’t exactly agree with the tone he takes at the end, but I do think you can learn something from it. (Besides the fact that it’s pretty hilarious). David X writes:
“I once dated a girl who told me that she only lets her boyfriends fuck her 12 times a year. She actually told me this seriously! She said that if a guy is smart, he will fuck her once a month, because if he uses up his 12 fucks right away, he will have to wait until the next year to get sex again! So, I fucked her 4 times a day for three days and then I said goodbye. She asked, “Where are you going?” I told her that since I had already used up my twelve tickets, then there was no point in sticking around any longer. I told her that it was OK, that I respected her rules and wasn’t going to ask for another fuck, and after all, did she really expect me to beg? She ended up chasing me for the next five years. Why? Because I make the rules, not them.”
I don’t really like the whole “I make the rules” tone he takes at the end. But I do think it’s a good (and funny) illustration of something.
An “AFC” (like, presumably, this girl’s other boyfriends) wouldn’t have called her on her bluff. What David X did was simply to recognize how ridiculous her bluff was, and call her on it.
I particularly like the way he did it. He wasn’t mean about it. He maintained very good personal boundaries. “I told her that it was OK, that I respected her rules…” In other words, he accepted her “no.” Of course, this girl was really playing a game. She expected him not to be OK with her “no.” When he was, her game came crumbling down.
(By the way, we’ll take a more in-depth look at games in some future posts on Transactional Analysis. Here is a taste for now…)